Messenger:     I looked up to see the big white
                           tank, the rust was plain
                           around its upper rim —

                        I was deeply united to my God
                            remembering the heights of ecstasy
                            I had experienced, the 
                            times of deep fullness and
                            almost being there again as
                            I recalled them and their
                            grandeur, anticipating how
                            wonderful indeed would be
                            the moments of deepest union
                            with Him in heaven.

                        It is funny how deeply I can experience
                            a moment when united in deep love
                            to Him and others.

                        The words are deep and it is always
                            there for me, experiencing an
                            eerie sulken, almost purple
                            morning, one in which the color
                            of day seems to hang in
                            a sky far off with a misty white
                            fog in front of me. 

                        It is the kind of morning that
                            takes me to Him, like standing
                            at the entrance of a tunnel,

                            but it is as if you stand at
                            this place on this earth below
                            and see into the future - where
                            at the end of the purple 
                            morning you will be embraced
                            by this Divine Light and 
                            united to Him, your Beloved,
                            your all, all that you have
                            sought and seek for now.

                        But in the morning light which was
                            purple and dark, it has
                            lifted now and I feel a
                            special awareness of Him
                            in this too.

                        My awareness of Him is constant,
                            my connection to heaven and
                            the saints and those who have
                            passed on is such a reality to
                            me at every moment. 

                        I long for those moments in the Mass
                            when I go there to the Church and
                            unite in the celebration and
                            then I receive my God.

                        My heart is always longing for Him.

                        My heart is always feeling that
                            lack of completeness I long
                            for in Him.

                        I am here in this place, at this
                            time and yet it truly is
                            as one on a bus in transit.
                            I am on a journey and always
                                aware of my destination.

                        Depth, I want greater depth
                            in my life in Him.

                        There is always that open door,
                            that long tunnel, that
                            endless place I can go.

                        Even in hearing His word, I enter
                            into a place that is always open —
                            my heart is excited and wanting
                            to go so deeply into that open
                            place, experiencing more deeply
                            the one I love, the ultimate
                            mystery, the All Powerful,
                            All Loving God.

                        Oh I can barely scratch the surface
                            of knowledge of Him even in
                            my attendance at Mass.

                        I know the whole thing is so
                            great - at Mass - I know
                            more the greatness of Him and
                            this vast universe and 
                            the heaven and all I do not
                            even see. It is all so
                            real to me, but my
                            experience seems so very
                            shallow knowing that I can 
                            experience it deeper and deeper.

                        Oh, I feel as St. Theresa, my thoughts
                            are always of Him, my life lived
                            for Him, my desire to be His
                            bride are always before me, my
                            desire to be complete in Him
                            forever constant and yet
                            the Eucharist and His word
                            feeds me so much.

                        When I read His word I long to
                            go deeper into it — it is
                            always open and I am
                            always longing for a deeper
                            experience when I hear it
                            or read it — to experience
                            Him and my love for Him
                            ever more.

                        My thirsting is so great for
                            completeness in Him — 

                        I am in that deep and dreary
                            desert land, here below.

                        I am like one man walking on the
                            dry, sandy, desert thirsting, 
                            longing for water.

                        I am hungry, like one who hasn't
                            eaten for years —

                        I know why God kept saying for 6 weeks
                            "feed the hungry", "feed the hungry."

                        I am hungry, I am longing for the
                            fullness I know I can have
                            only in Him, in heaven.

                        Comfort, to unite with each other
                            in this mission — each of us
                            so deeply united to one another
                            and to Him.

                        And yet I do not want to sound as if
                            my life is not lived in joy,
                            for He gives me others to love,
                            to have so deeply in my heart
                            and there is an incompleteness in
                            that love I experience with them.

                        There are moments when I can ponder
                            the love I have for others and
                            for the saints and for God
                            and the very thoughts of it
                            are thoughts of deep joy and
                            longing for completeness and
                            greater capacity to love deeper and
                            more like Him and experience
                            every moment in the joy of
                            being more deeply united to
                            Him and to all.

                        Oh I may sound like I ramble on but
                            I do so because as Fr. Carter always
                            taught me "it is ineffable."

                        The purple skies lift, the tunnel is
                            always there, my life is not
                            given to me to spend in 
                            contemplation like this all day
                            and yet it is this that helps to
                            quiet my heart hungering for
                            Him and the grandeur of heaven,
                            of knowing Him more fully, of
                            being enlightened by Him to know.

                        Every day comes with a dress —
                            some days He dresses in a purple hue —
                            some days wear a deep blue —
                            some a golden light —
                            others a reddish glow of a burning
                                flame
                            most may appear as a whitish,
                                milky haze with the polluted
                                air —

                            every flower He paints, He tends to
                                the detail of the smallest flower—

                            the little things in its interesting
                                centers so we can gaze upon
                                it and know we never see
                                all there is to see in it —

                            look at the earth —
                                can your eyes behold the grandeur
                                    of it all —
                                do you see every leaf of the giant
                                    old oak tree —
                                could you study its bark alone for 
                                    a thousand years —
                                could you bring out your microscopes
                                    and enlarge it
                                        and when you have done so, do you see
                                    a tiny creature lurking in a small
                                    pore of the bark, with little antlers
                                    or wings and little feet.

                            I stand at the door of the tunnel and
                                I look and I know there is
                                so much to see and to know
                                and I thirst for it, I hunger
                                for the knowledge of Thee —

                            Oh Holy Spirit enlighten me and give
                                me the eyes to see, for my
                                eyes feel they are coated with 
                                mud.

                            On September 5, 2002, it rained and yet 
                                the colors of the image before me, as
                                it changed very rapidly — right
                                before my eyes —
                                I know the blue of the sky and the 
                                blue of the water, but the blue of
                                Mary's gown was a mystical blue
                                of depth I cannot describe, nor
                                ever saw before or may never 
                                see again. It glistened with a silver-
                                golden lining and a depth of 
                                precision I cannot describe.
                                I can see the blue of man-made things
                                and it is just that man-made plastics
                                etc, but to see the gown of Mary
                                changing before me as painted
                                by God, it was awesome and
                                after seeing it, it quickly changed
                                to a deeper golden gown but
                                I saw it so very distinctly and
                                clearly and it had a depth
                                that was to me, inexhaustible and 
                                not ending.

September 5, 2002

September 5, 2002

September 5, 2002

September 5, 2002

September 16, 2002 message continues

Messenger:        The golden fire color where Jesus'
                                face was came in that corner
                                and it was more gold than I 
                                ever saw.

                            Oh I saw this before my eyes and 
                                it was not static, nor did it 
                                appear contained, nor can I describe
                                it here for it was deeper than the
                                pane of that glass to me, it was a wonder
                                to see more than any movie one
                                could watch of the waves at 
                                sea, it was in its own way, a
                                deeper blue that did not end, it
                                was mystical and I cannot even
                                begin to explain it.

                            And I looked into His eyes and I saw
                                Him before me in the pain He
                                gave me, there was this sweetness
                                in the quiet moment of pain —
                                a sweetness of knowing God
                                and knowing which I hold
                                so dear is real.

                            My heart is quieted only by Thee.

                            The rustling and bustling cars go 
                                by on the busy freeway
                                and within each person
                                carries their own thoughts
                                and experiences and they live 
                                in a world of the unknown.

                            I see the lightning steel across the sky
                                and I can barely make out the 
                                building tops and trees, the 
                                sky.

                            It happens so quickly — He lights
                                the night for that split second.

                            We live in a sort of night here below —
                                we do not see the picture so
                                clearly — He lifts the veil and
                                gives us quick glimpses,
                                just to see a little of it —

                            Oh our vision is so limited and 
                                there is so much to see —

                                there is so much to know —

                                there is the quiet world in all of
                                    us —

                                a world we can never completely
                                    share with anyone but Him 
                                    and He knows it better than ourselves.

                            I do not know the condition of my kidneys
                                or my gall bladder or my inner
                                ear —

                            Oh the magnificence of God —

                            He knows all things —
                            He created the world and all its creatures —

                            He is Divine

                            We are human

                            He is Supreme

                            We are His creatures

                            He knows all things —

                            We know a little —

                            The Magnitude of God —
                                He cannot be measured 
                                He is — 
                                He is All Perfect —
                                He is Unchanging 
                                He is God

                            Oh I long for Him — to know Him —

                                to know His works —

                                to know the whole design —

                                to love more deeply —
                                    more completely —
                                    with the great capacity
                                    I will have then —

                                how foolish we are to think I 
                                    can see the end —

                            Oh He can not be contained
                                He is God. 

                            Little children have a whole
                                world to discover, all the beauties
                                of God.

                            Why do we want to show little
                                children dark movies?

                            Their eyes are bright —

                            They, when living in a family of
                                love, are looking with
                                eyes of wonder and 
                                the desire to know.

                            Little children, babies, little
                                toddlers are so open —
                                wanting to know.

                            We can fill them with love and
                                tell them about God.

                            They are like an empty vessel
                                ready to be filled.

                            The man at church came up to me
                                and told me of all the killings
                                in Cincinnati and terrible things
                                going on in the world.

                            In the Church a woman came in 
                                during morning Mass and was
                                sleeping in the bride's room
                                on the floor with blankets.

                            There so much darkness.

We  desperately need
funds to be able to do what
 Jesus and Mary have 
asked us to do.

     
Credit card donations accepted.

  Shepherds of Christ Ministries
P. O. Box 193
Morrow, Ohio 45152
1-888-211-3041

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