In various ways, we
have already discussed the Christian's encounter with others and the world
(see chapter 3, for example). We now wish to continue this theme of
encounter with greater specificity and extensiveness.
The true Christian is
imbued with consciousness of others. That is to say, the true Christian is
keenly aware that, to a great degree, God intends each of us to press on
toward maturity in the spiritual life through a proper encounter with
others. Indeed, the Christian imperative reminds us that we are to walk
life's path, not in isolation, but hand in hand with our fellow human
beings.
To authentically
encounter others we must be properly aware of who they really are; we must,
in short, be able to penetrate beyond surface appearances, which may or may
not be appealing to us, and contact others in their core existence. When we
are truly in touch with others at the core of their beings, we are
simultaneously aware of their awesome dignity. We are conscious that these
persons are created and redeemed by God in his love. Fortified with this
proper awareness, we are thus in a position to relate to them as we should.
In order to be in touch
with the inner self of others, we must be aware of or in touch with our own
inner or true self. This awareness, in turn, is an awareness that our self
is likewise made in the image of God, that it has been divinized in Christ
and is to be oriented toward God and neighbor. Here, then, we see the
profound interaction between the three awarenesses and loves—awareness and
love of God, self, and neighbor. As Christians, consequently, we should have
a maturing sense of how our existence is, in varied ways, profoundly
interlinked with the existence of others. This feeling of union with others
is not limited to those we directly encounter, but, in some sense, is
directed to all members of the human family.
Let us now consider
some of the main attitudes that the Christian should maintain and develop in
his or her dealings with others. We will build upon the very basic attitude
we have already mentioned—that we must always try to be aware of the true
self of others, the self that has been created and redeemed by God's love.
This awareness, in turn, calls forth our own love for them.
In dealing with others,
we must strive to maintain the balance, so delicate at times, between
independence from others and dependence on them. We must, on the one hand,
humbly realize that in so many varied ways we consistently depend on others.
Have you ever tried to analyze the many, many people you depend on to make
it through a very ordinary day? Have you ever tried to enumerate all the
people involved—most of whom you don't even know—in putting a simple meal
before you?
The consciousness of
our dependence on others narrows into much sharper focus, of course,
regarding those we encounter daily in a more direct fashion. The members of
our families, our friends, our coworkers—these are some of the people we
immediately think of as we reflect upon the mutual interdependence that
exists among fellow human beings. We depend on such people in a special way
for the growth opportunities of loving and being loved, of serving and being
ministered to, of affirming and being affirmed—in short, for all the
opportunities of variously giving and receiving.
If, however, we must,
on the one hand, strive to maintain a sense of proper need for others, we
must, on the other hand, couple this with a thrust toward independence. To
have an attitude of healthy dependence on others is a main ingredient for
true personality growth; to maintain a morbid need for others, however, is a
serious obstacle in becoming the persons we are destined to be. We should
never become slavishly dependent on the company of others, their love, the
attention they give us, the approval they give to us, our ideas, or our
work. It is, of course, always very pleasant to receive love, attention, and
approval; all this, however, must occur within the framework of God's will
for us. We must constantly strive to lovingly do his will at all times and
in all circumstances. This is the all-embracing and all-necessary imperative
that permeates every facet of our being. When we live according to this
imperative, we gladly and gratefully receive love, attention, and
affirmation from others when it is forthcoming; what is more, we realize
that to be offered this is a part of God's plan for us. If, however, it is
not forthcoming at any one time, we courageously continue to live as we
think God intends, aware that, in his loving faithfulness, God will
compensate for what currently appears to be a lack of human support.
Early in our discussion
of the Christian's encounter with others, we should obviously say a few
direct things concerning the core attitude of love, a trait that should
permeate all other attitudes. It is well to begin by observing a phenomenon
of our culture concerning love: Many persons who choose marriage say they do
so out of a desire to be loved. Notice, they say that they marry out of a
desire to be loved, not to love. In fairness to these persons, perhaps we
should presume that they realize they in turn must also offer love. Yet, is
it not revealing that they explicitly mention as the reason for
marrying a desire to be loved? Could there be a close correlation between
this phenomenon and the extraordinarily high divorce rate that prevails in
our culture? If it is common that both partners enter marriage more from a
need to receive love than from a desire to give it, do we have to look
further for the reason to explain why so many marriages are plagued with
various degrees of unhappiness?
We should realize that
all of us are in danger of falling into the above temptation. Whether we are
married people, celibates in the priestly and religious life, or single
persons in the world, all of us have to be aware lest we be more concerned
with receiving love than in giving it. God wants us to receive love, and we
have a need to receive love; however, we must not allow this legitimate
desire to degenerate into a morbid preoccupation whereby we always enumerate
all the different ways that others should be manifesting love toward us
while, at the same time, we ourselves might be guilty of neglecting numerous
opportunities for loving them. If our main concern is to love others rather
than to be loved by them, I think we will more often than not be surprised
at the love others show us over a lifetime. Nonetheless, even in the event
that we might feel slighted in this regard, our vocation as Christians is
eminently clear: we ourselves must continue to love even when it is
extremely difficult to do so, thus following the example of Jesus who loved
even those who nailed him to the cross.
As maturing Christians
we should be assimilative individuals. In various ways, we must be able to
absorb from others, not in an artificial way that does violence to our
uniqueness, but in a manner that actually enhances our uniqueness. Our
wonderful privilege is to assimilate ever more and more the truth, the
goodness, the beauty of God himself by, among other ways, realizing that God
is variously reflected through all the human persons he has created. Just as
we are created in God's image—and thereby are reflective of his
perfections—so also are all others. When all humans are true to God's
designs, all do indeed provide various opportunities to one another for
personality growth. All of us, I am sure, can recall more than one instance
in which we felt especially inspired to become better persons because we
have encountered certain individuals.
The preceding
discussion easily leads us to another trait that should characterize our
dealings with others—namely, we should be evocative persons. By what we are
and say and do, we should evoke, or call forth for further development, the
truth, the goodness, and the beauty that is inherent in each human person.
When we encounter others, we should want to aid, not hinder, them in their
quest for personal growth. We are evocative persons in various ways: by
offering appropriately affirming words of encouragement and commendation; by
simply being kind to others; by wanting sincerely to share others' joys and
sorrows; and by helping others realize that they are unique individuals with
a unique mission to fulfill. These and other ways—which, again, should all
be infused with appropriate love—are constantly available to us;
collectively, these ways are a constant reminder to us that we can be
evocative personalities not only on rather rare and so-called special
occasions, but also on the special occasion of every day, for, indeed, each
day is a precious gift from God.
In encountering others,
we must, of course, be aware that we should not strive to make others into
replicas of ourselves. In being both sources of assimilation for others and
evocative factors in their lives, we must constantly shun the temptation to
try to make them like us. Although we hope that others will benefit from
encountering our positive characteristics, the process of growth—whether we
ourselves or others are a source of it—must be accomplished according to
each one's uniqueness. As a matter of fact, the more we aid others in
growing, the more their uniqueness will become manifest. This principle is
particularly applicable in close personal encounters such as deep friendship
and marriage. In such instances, we must all the more resist the temptation
to make the other more and more like us.
Communication is obviously a very
important element as people deal with one another. A dominant problem
plaguing numerous marriages and families is a lack of communication between
the spouses themselves, between the parents and children, and among the
children themselves. Obviously, a lack of communication also causes problems
between friend and friend, between employer and employee, between teacher
and student. There is no need to continue the list—your own experience can
add example after example.
Authentic communication
requires a willingness on the part of the parties involved to appropriately
share ideas, problems, ideals, joys, and sorrows. Words are obviously
involved, but not all words are helpful. We must therefore strive to discern
which words are helpful and which words are not—a task that is not always
easy. Further, the increasing quantity of words is not always the measure of
progressive communication; sometimes the more the words are increased, the
more the communication suffers. What matters most is the quality of
the words that are spoken, the motivation that prompts them. Also, not all
those who are involved have to speak and listen equally. If we attentively
try to evaluate all the circumstances—including the different personalities
involved—we will tend to contribute our appropriate share of listening and
speaking. Furthermore, we must always remember that communication occurs in
ways that are over and above the spoken word. Finally, we should realize
that authentic communication must be rooted in the mutual respect and love
that should guide all our dealings with each other.
Our ability to
contribute to the process of communication is, in turn, enhanced by our
emphatic attitude—that is, our ability to enter into the feelings, the
ideas, and the experiences of others. An empathic attitude is another trait
of the true Christian. We can grow in this spirit of empathy by realizing
that many of our own experiences are also the experiences of others. If we
experience the desire for love and acceptance, so do others; if we feel the
pangs of loneliness, so do others; if we have to fight lethargy and boredom,
so do others; if we have to struggle with despondency, so do others; if we
desire words of encouragement, so do others. If we continue to grow in the
spirit of empathy through a consistent realization that, in so many ways, we
all share a common lot, then all the types of personal encounters we
experience will correspondingly be enhanced.
The true Christian also
realizes that special love and concern for a few should proportionately and
appropriately deepen love and concern for all others. This, then, is a very
good criterion to apply to special relationships—for example, friendship and
marriage—to determine whether they are all that they can and should be. Do
these relationships expand my horizons, my concern, my love? Do they help me
be more sensitive to the fact that God has created all of us brothers and
sisters to one another—whether we are black, white, brown, or whatever? Or,
on the other hand, do these relationships narrow my love and attention
almost exclusively to the special few involved? If the former description
characterizes us, we have cause for rejoicing; if the latter description
characterizes us, then we should be concerned and attempt to correct the
failing.
At this stage of our
discussion concerning the Christian as he or she encounters others, it has
become evident that many different attitudes, factors, and circumstances are
involved. We realize, therefore, that we constantly need a sense of
perspective in the whole matter. Sometimes we have to strive mightily to
preserve perspective in our various and diversified dealings with others
because all sorts of feelings are involved. Moreover, in very close
relationships, we must adopt special means for preserving perspective
because these types of relationships demand special involvement and, thus,
include more and deeper feelings. Special relationships, therefore,
obviously test our sense of perspective more often and more diversely than
other, less intimate types of personal encounter.
Having already alluded
to friendship, it seems opportune to make a few observations concerning this
very special kind of relationship. Friendship is one of God's greatest
gifts. It is a type of personal encounter that befits any age and any
vocation or state of life. One of the beauties of friendship is the special
type of love that is involved. Two people become friends and remain friends
because they mutually want to do so. In friendship, there are no
juridical bonds as there are in marriage and family life. In real
friendship, this special freedom that both parties possess regarding the
initiation and maintenance of the relationship does not instigate insecure
feelings, but rather enhances the encounter with a special kind of splendor.
One of the other
beauties of friendship is the obvious fact that a person may have more than
one friend. For various reasons, however, it seems that, for most people,
deep friendship is possible only with a relatively few. Whatever the case
might be, a person should not view his or her multiple friendships as being
in conflict with one another. A person's various authentic friendships, all
providing their own opportunities for growth, clothe the person with a
maturing richness of personality that increasingly contributes to the health
and vitality of each of the friendships in particular.
Close friends stand
side by side and together walk the path of life. Secure in the other's
acceptance and love, each feels a sense of relief that he or she does not
need to maintain any kind of facade. Each is encouraged to be and to become
according to the real, the true self. Far from hampering the proper
unfolding and developing of each one's personality, the friendship offers
many diverse opportunities for the maturing of each other's uniqueness.
Indeed, each person feels that without the other he or she may not have
grown so well in certain facets of self-knowledge; each person feels that
without the other he or she may not have grown or become in certain ways at
all.
Close friends share
many things. They share life's ideals and goals, for example, and in this
sharing feel encouraged to achieve a greater realization of their ideals and
goals. Close friends share each other's sorrows, and in this sharing the
sorrows become much more bearable. Close friends share each other's joys,
and in this sharing the joys become greatly increased. Close friends share
each other's failures, and in this sharing they gain the strength to rise
and try again. Close friends also share each other's successes, and in this
sharing are encouraged to fulfill more and more their mission, their work in
life.
Each one of us, then,
has many reasons to thank God for the wonderful gift of friendship, for,
indeed, friendship has in so many diverse ways helped us to be and to
become. In so many diverse ways, the gift of friendship has helped us live
the paschal mystery of death and resurrection. Truly, it has helped us bear
the dark, the difficult, the worrisome aspect of life with greater
equanimity and courage; likewise, it has helped us experience the bright,
the pleasant, the exuberant side of life with greater joy.
Our dealings with others take place within the overall context of the world
order of things. We and they are members of the secular city, the temporal
order. If we love others, we must be concerned about the type of world they
live in. We arrive, consequently, at another dimension of our discussion
about our encounter with others—each of us has a responsibility toward the
world order.
The following Scripture passage strikingly tells us how much God loves his
creation:
For you love all things that are
and loathe nothing that you have
made;
for what you hated, you would not
have fashioned.
And how could a thing remain, unless
you willed it;
or be preserved, had it not been
called forth by you?
—Wis
11:24-25
God calls us to share in his love for his
creation. The Christian should have a deeper love for the world than the
nonbeliever. All that is good and true and beautiful, all that we humans
reach out for in authentic hope, all the possibilities for our earthly
progress, all the worthwhile and enthusiastic dreams of the human heart for
a better world—yes, the Christian should yearn more deeply for all this than
the nonbeliever. Why? Because the Christian knows that mankind and this
world belong to Christ. The Christian knows that mankind's pursuit of the
true, the good, and the beautiful is ultimately a pursuit of Christ. The
Christian knows that any authentic step forward that mankind takes marks a
deepening of the Christic evolutionary process whereby mankind and this
world are more fully united to the center and crown of the universe—Christ
himself.
Because the world belongs to Christ, the
Christian should feel at home in his or her secular involvement. Obviously,
there is a sinful dimension to the world—there are murders, rapes, and
thievery; there are hatreds, gross injustices, lies and calumnies, blatant
sexual promiscuity, and selfish lust for power; there is serious neglect of
duty, and a hedonistic pursuit of pleasure. The sinful element of the world,
however, should not make us blind regarding its basic goodness and beauty.
Obviously, we do not love and embrace the
world's sinful dimension. A "holy sadness" should touch us when we reflect
upon the moral depravity that defiles the world's Christic image. We do not
refuse secular involvement, however, because the world's sinfulness makes
life unpleasant at times. We must often behave in a way that is different
from the way much of the world thinks and acts, yet we must be different in
a way that does not make us shirk our responsibility toward the secular.
The contribution that the Christian makes toward the Christic development of
the secular city is important in any age. Because of the special times in
which we live, however, the importance of the contemporary Christian's
efforts is heightened. We live in an age of great and numerous and complex
problems, but an age that is also great in many kinds of achievements, an
age that is on the threshold of even greater accomplishments.
We live in a world of many contradictions. We
are currently witnessing material growth at a rate that past ages would have
thought completely impossible. Modern human beings have given evidence of
their control over their material environment in countless ways. Humans have
landed on the moon and will also land on other planets. Modern science and
technology have afforded contemporary humans numerous comforts,
conveniences, and opportunities for progress in various dimensions of their
existence. Despite all this material progress, however, despite all the
great scientific and technological advances, there are still millions of
men, women, and children the world over who are plagued by hunger, poverty,
and disease.
Modern humans are achieving an ever greater control over life, marvelously
increasing life expectancy, but they are also developing weapons that can
quickly destroy the entire human race.
Moreover, as a result of recent technological advances, modern humans can
have many of their desires fulfilled. In the depths of the human heart,
however, there is often a restless stirring, a restless desire, a desire
that cannot always be articulated, but of which contemporary men and women
are aware.
People of today live in an age that affords wonderful opportunities for
deepening the bonds of world brotherhood, of world community. International
systems of communication, travel, and commerce are promoting a growing sense
of mutual interdependence among nations. At the same time, however, there
are signs of division—there are wars between nations and internal forces of
division within the same nation, that is, division between the rich and the
poor, the young and the old, and division between the races.
There is a cry for personal freedom the world over—a cry the likes of which
has never been heard before—and this is good. Often, however, freedom is
being misused, and this abuse of freedom by some has resulted in the
violation of the freedom of others.
There are many indications of the love of mankind for fellow humans. Our
present times are replete with examples of persons extending themselves in
aiding others. There are, however, numerous examples of how contemporary men
and women have hardened their hearts regarding the needs of their fellow
humans.
This brief glance at modern men and women and their world allows us to
quickly view the complexities of our contemporary society. We see bright
rays of brilliant accomplishments accompanied by unmistakeable signs of
serious failure. We see that there are wonderful possibilities for growth
and progress, possibilities that modern men and women can transform into
actual accomplishments. We also see, however, the very real and stark
possibility that all this could end in a cosmic heap of ashes—if there
should occur that deadly combination of the following: lust for power and
domination, hatred, misuse of freedom, irresponsibility, and disregard for
human life and dignity.
This is the world in which we contemporary Christians live—a world that is
an amazing mixture of that which is good and beautiful and brilliant, and
that which is sinful and ugly and dreadful. We have the privilege and
responsibility of shaping this contemporary world according to its
Christological imprint. Jesus put this image of himself upon the cosmic
order by the way he lived his life among us. We have to aid in directing our
fellow humans and their values along the path that has been made by the
footprints of Jesus of Nazareth—a task that is not always easy. There are so
many forces in today's world that work against Christ, his message, and the
order he came to establish. But are we going to shirk the challenge? Are we
going to allow present possibilities for a further pursuit of the true, the
good, and the beautiful to be thwarted by the forces of evil, diverted along
paths that are not worthy of men and women?
As we labor with Christ in helping him bring the work of creation and
redemption to completion, we should not become discouraged by the fact that
mankind and the temporal order seem to be less Christian than they were
previously. We should not be disheartened at the signs that Christianity
seems increasingly to be a diaspora religion. We should not become
fainthearted in our efforts for Christ because of the possibility that
official Christianity might become less influential in today's world.
Although we see these and other signs that seem to portend difficult times
for Christianity, let us not become discouraged. We must realize that there
is an external and obvious manifestation of Christianity in the world, and
there is a hidden or anonymous dimension. Men and women who are not publicly
professed Christians can be coming closer to Christ without actually
realizing it. In fact, the entire temporal order can mature in its
Christianization process in a very quiet and hidden way—so quiet and so
hidden that even we Christians can hardly recognize what is actually
happening. There is, then, what can be called an anonymous Christianity.
There is only one world order, and it has been established in Christ. Every
person is offered salvation, but this is Christic grace, Christic
salvation. The temporal order of mankind also comes under this Christic
influence. If there is to be the authentic progress of this order, it must
be a progress in Christ. The Christic influence, then, reaches out and
touches every human person, every authentic human value. Regardless of how
many persons realize what is happening in Christ to themselves and to the
entire world order, it is definitely happening. Consequently, our
Christ-oriented efforts for mankind and this world are really effective,
even though they are so hidden and mysterious at times.
We each contribute to the shaping of a better
world according to a variety of circumstances: the young, for example,
contribute their enthusiasm; the elderly contribute their mellowed wisdom;
the conservative contribute their concern for timeless values; and the
progressive contribute their penchant for change and adaptation to
contemporary exigencies. Some work within the confines of a clean and quiet
office; others work amid circumstances charged with potential explosiveness.
Some perform, claiming the attention of the public eye; others labor in
hidden ordinariness. Some must fight the boredom that routine work tends to
generate; others must maintain high-level awareness amid the dangers of
high-risk occupations. Whatever the task and its circumstances in the
secular city might be, however, the imperative is the same for all of
us—namely, to be where God wants us. Only in this way will our encounter
with others and the world truly produce growth for all concerned.
end
of excerpt from Response to God's Love
