Chapter 8
 
The Christian Encounters Others and the World
 

... To authentically encounter others we must be properly aware of who they really are; we must, in short, be able to penetrate beyond surface appearances, which may or may not be appealing to us, and contact others in their core existence. When we are truly in touch with others at the core of their beings, we are simultaneously aware of their awesome dignity. We are conscious that these persons are created and redeemed by God in his love. Fortified with this proper awareness, we are thus in a position to relate to them as we should.

In order to be in touch with the inner self of others, we must be aware of or in touch with our own inner or true self. This awareness, in turn, is an awareness that our self is likewise made in the image of God, that it has been divinized in Christ and is to be oriented toward God and neighbor. Here, then, we see the profound interaction between the three awarenesses and loves—awareness and love of God, self, and neighbor. As Christians, consequently, we should have a maturing sense of how our existence is, in varied ways, profoundly interlinked with the existence of others. This feeling of union with others is not limited to those we directly encounter, but, in some sense, is directed to all members of the human family.

Let us now consider some of the main attitudes that the Christian should maintain and develop in his or her dealings with others. We will build upon the very basic attitude we have already mentioned—that we must always try to be aware of the true self of others, the self that has been created and redeemed by God's love. This awareness, in turn, calls forth our own love for them.

In dealing with others, we must strive to maintain the balance, so delicate at times, between independence from others and dependence on them. We must, on the one hand, humbly realize that in so many varied ways we consistently depend on others. Have you ever tried to analyze the many, many people you depend on to make it through a very ordinary day? Have you ever tried to enumerate all the people involved—most of whom you don't even know—in putting a simple meal before you?

The consciousness of our dependence on others narrows into much sharper focus, of course, regarding those we encounter daily in a more direct fashion. The members of our families, our friends, our coworkers—these are some of the people we immediately think of as we reflect upon the mutual interdependence that exists among fellow human beings. We depend on such people in a special way for the growth opportunities of loving and being loved, of serving and being ministered to, of affirming and being affirmed—in short, for all the opportunities of variously giving and receiving.

If, however, we must, on the one hand, strive to maintain a sense of proper need for others, we must, on the other hand, couple this with a thrust toward independence. To have an attitude of healthy dependence on others is a main ingredient for true personality growth; to maintain a morbid need for others, however, is a serious obstacle in becoming the persons we are destined to be. We should never become slavishly dependent on the company of others, their love, the attention they give us, the approval they give to us, our ideas, or our work. It is, of course, always very pleasant to receive love, attention, and approval; all this, however, must occur within the framework of God's will for us. We must constantly strive to lovingly do his will at all times and in all circumstances. This is the all-embracing and all-necessary imperative that permeates every facet of our being. When we live according to this imperative, we gladly and gratefully receive love, attention, and affirmation from others when it is forthcoming; what is more, we realize that to be offered this is a part of God's plan for us. If, however, it is not forthcoming at any one time, we courageously continue to live as we think God intends, aware that, in his loving faithfulness, God will compensate for what currently appears to be a lack of human support.

Early in our discussion of the Christian's encounter with others, we should obviously say a few direct things concerning the core attitude of love, a trait that should permeate all other attitudes. It is well to begin by observing a phenomenon of our culture concerning love: Many persons who choose marriage say they do so out of a desire to be loved. Notice, they say that they marry out of a desire to be loved, not to love. In fairness to these persons, perhaps we should presume that they realize they in turn must also offer love. Yet, is it not revealing that they explicitly mention as the reason for marrying a desire to be loved? Could there be a close correlation between this phenomenon and the extraordinarily high divorce rate that prevails in our culture? If it is common that both partners enter marriage more from a need to receive love than from a desire to give it, do we have to look further for the reason to explain why so many marriages are plagued with various degrees of unhappiness?

We should realize that all of us are in danger of falling into the above temptation. Whether we are married people, celibates in the priestly and religious life, or single persons in the world, all of us have to be aware lest we be more concerned with receiving love than in giving it. God wants us to receive love, and we have a need to receive love; however, we must not allow this legitimate desire to degenerate into a morbid preoccupation whereby we always enumerate all the different ways that others should be manifesting love toward us while, at the same time, we ourselves might be guilty of neglecting numerous opportunities for loving them. If our main concern is to love others rather than to be loved by them, I think we will more often than not be surprised at the love others show us over a lifetime. Nonetheless, even in the event that we might feel slighted in this regard, our vocation as Christians is eminently clear: we ourselves must continue to love even when it is extremely difficult to do so, thus following the example of Jesus who loved even those who nailed him to the cross.

As maturing Christians we should be assimilative individuals. In various ways, we must be able to absorb from others, not in an artificial way that does violence to our uniqueness, but in a manner that actually enhances our uniqueness. Our wonderful privilege is to assimilate ever more and more the truth, the goodness, the beauty of God himself by, among other ways, realizing that God is variously reflected through all the human persons he has created. Just as we are created in God's image—and thereby are reflective of his perfections—so also are all others. When all humans are true to God's designs, all do indeed provide various opportunities to one another for personality growth. All of us, I am sure, can recall more than one instance in which we felt especially inspired to become better persons because we have encountered certain individuals.

end of excerpt

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