Shepherds of Christ          Daily Writing

September 24, 2007

Given September 23, 2007

                    Jesus: I have been offended by evil
                men who mistreat Me in this
                world today — They are arrogant
                and giving into satan

                    I have all the power
                    No one has power over Me
                    No man can try to be above
                        God

                I am love
                I have given love

                R. Satan has tempted people to sin
                    who seek dominance because
                    their power was taken away
                    somewhere else

                A person who has been wounded wants
                control like a wounded dog — they
                don't want any more wounds —
                They bite.

                    Anger in homes comes out in
                angry children seeking dominance
                to be able to act out their anger.
                A person with anger, seeking dominance
                is like a loaded can — ready to spray —
                to fight — constant argumentation
                and tension — they are mad — they are
                frustrated — they have been hurt —
                they seek power to vent their anger
                and right the terrible wrong done to them —
                Problems of incest, sexual problems,
                betrayal, divorce — cut at the core of
                the heart where one gives to the raw
                center of their heart and an x-wife
                or x-husband can go off getting the
                kids — scott free or at least justice (it seems)
                is not served for an unfaithful spouse.
                Anger rages as they have to suppress it and
                give and take weekends, vacations,
                holidays and act like its okay, but
                the anger needs to be vented and they
                can use alcohol, but too many times
                they try to use an innocent other
                as a scapegoat to right their
                unfinished business — which leads
                them away from the truth about the
                anger and hurt and truth about
                how they do anything to control,
                punish, use passive-aggressive
                measures to abuse innocent others
                for their built up rage.

                    Then becomes a spiritual problem —
                What right has one to argue and argue and
                control and demand that their
                rage is rectified on an innocent
                other or group of others.

                    The person with pent up anger
                is like a jumping worm — they become
                so stone hearted using another if they
                can, by controlling to act out their
                hidden pain, but their gloves are
                white, their shoes white and constant
                provoking or creating a fire somewhere
                on the leader will make the other
                dance their dance of anger for them.

                    Why do people use violence on
                an innocent other — the record is
                their record of untruth about all past
                responsibilities — while they live much
                like an animal with little memory —
                little memory because their heart becomes
                more stone with the untruth they tell
                them about why they hurt — In justice
                the truth is known —

                    In faith the vision of the Father
                is the vision —

                    But one who gives into more and more
                with control and a stone heart turns
                to stone —

                    Think of the scripture
                    Don't look
                    You will turn to a pillar of salt

                A little child not given love and nurturing
                that a small child needs to survive
                is wounded.

                    Many children come from alcoholic,
                addictive homes. The child while
                growing up has one or two alcoholic
                parents —
                I must inject here — I have watched
                this miraculous healing of many
                imperfections as I have done the prayer
                services in China and Florida —
                those who don't heal, don't tune
                in or come and they have to go back
                and tell themselves the truth —

                    Not living in truth can turn to
                a heart of stone. Habits a passive-
                aggressive behavior over years are
                bad evil habits that hurt innocent
                others, but make a bad spiritual
                problem for the guy provoking an
                innocent other.

                    Watching children we see they
                want their way — Some bite and hit
                to get it —

                    How can somebody handle a
                divorce, betrayal where someone
                so intimately gives themselves —
                heart and body to another and are
                betrayed at the core and then
                have lost some custody of their
                children to an unfaithful spouse —
                Is it so awful to say — what about
                the person so wounded and frozen
                they said "It never hurt me" and
                turns like a stone heart trying to
                use another as a whipping boy, provoking,
                fighting because of the constant
                rage and unfinished business they
                house inside.

                    I MUST BE RIGHT AT
                ALL COSTS —

                    THE OTHER UNWORTHY OTHER
                IS THEIR PROJECTION BOOTH.

                    This is evil —

                The child living in an alcoholic
                    home with 2 alcoholic parents
                    or alcoholic tendencies taught
                    from generations of pain is
                    suffering.

                    If the mother is an alcoholic
                it can really damage the young
                children. She can be constantly
                under the influence of alcohol
                when kids are learning to trust,
                but what about constant fighting
                before children — then unfaithful
                affairs and then divorce —

                    A child is like in a wreck —
                utter confusion — one or both adults
                can have tremendous guilt that comes
                in suppressed rage — acted out
                and hidden, from a heart locked
                in pain — on cars, people,
                work or one scapegoat after another. Christ
                showed us a scapegoat — He must
                have seen this as vitally important.

                    A drunken mother cannot nurture
                children properly and a person
                unfaithful has broken a very
                serious seal to the wedding contract.

                    Anger is brought to the floor —
                even rage in many cases — children
                are forced to deal with this rather
                then be authentically told the truth
                for it is too awful it seems at such
                a young age, but their lives are
                shattered — Guilt, anger, untruths,
                stuffed feelings to deal with the
                legal divorce —
                can bring rage - acted out on others and
                a stone wounded unfeeling heart —

                    When children need stability —
                their life is torn apart in selfishness
                and they may be too young to even be
                told why mommy has a new husband
                and daddy a new wife.

                    Division rather than unity is
                something small children, must
                deal with —

                    They may think they did something
                to cause it.

                    Generations of selfishness —
                stuffed anger — children from
                divorced homes —

                    Why did Jesus tell me to have
                these prayer services in 1994
                and why did our spiritual Mother
                appear promising Jesus and she would
                outpour such grace as in Blue Book 6A
                rosaries.

                    Why wouldn't our mother then appear
                in Clearwater December 1996 when
                people did not believe me.     

 

shipped from the printers December 17, 1996

Mary appeared December 17, 1996

                    When children grow up in a home
                with generational anger — unmet
                needs they learn survival
                techniques that are harmful
                many times in later life. They learn
                to split Christmas, birthdays,
                their real parents usually never
                reconcile, but the tension, anger,
                resentment between them can be
                a monster they can't talk about
                out loud or lose custody of the
                children — so they act peaceful
                to each other before the children —
                probably hiding the truth —
                Children learn they have to cover
                up their feelings and the parents
                can act out anger, rage on
                innocent others —

                    Doing God's will is what we are
                to do — not see what disappointment
                happens with the x-spouse vacation
                with the children — then act
                to help some good thing happen —
                not God's will — is that good if it
                is not God's will —

                    Doing work at the hospital is
                good, but if it isn't God's
                will — it's not what you should
                do.

                    Children can feel worthless from
                homes filled with lies — they become
                confused — they search for truth —
                nothing is right because their
                basic structure being disturbed
                may cause havoc in their lives.

                    It is an awful responsibility
                to place on a child, blame for
                big problems in dysfunctional
                homes. Parents' guilt, frustration may
                be spent in looking good and lying
                about the rage inside acting it
                out on somebody who you think
                got ahead of you at the water fountain —
                A person full of rage, picks fights
                many times over lanes in the car,
                giving directions to control —
                provoking when another adult
                needs something — provoking to
                get the other to react for their
                own stone heart —

                    This is passive-aggressive —
                It is punishing — it is sick.

                    With the selfishness of the culture
                that says — it is legal to kill
                the child in your womb and
                the selfishness — of being out for
                oneself — even teachers promoting
                themselves many times — writing to
                make yourself great — rather than
                helping to heal others —

Isaiah 49:14-15

Zion was saying,
    'Yahweh has abandoned me,
the Lord has forgotten me.'
Can a woman forget her baby at the breast,
feel no pity for the child she has borne?
Even if these were to forget,
I shall not forget you.

                On Mary's birthday I saw Mary with
                    the child Jesus and she was all white —
                    behind her was a big rock —
                    Other women came with babies
                    children by their feet but the rock was
                    big and they were in the middle of the
                    big rock hill 

                The rock is the world —
                It's like my flat tire —

                Jesus said He is the body of the
                    car, but one flat tire — dead
                    flat can stop His plan —
                    so satan can press on the leaders
                    He calls to implement his plan

                But the prayer services —
                    the 5ths
                    the retreat China
                    Sidney rosary
                    Rosaries Blue Book 6

                    I have watched healing of deep
                        seated imperfections and
                        love and oneness —
                        without going back and seeing
                        if your mother drank too
                        much

                    I have watched miracles of healing
                        when people pray the Shepherds of Christ
                        prayers daily with the
                        statue - Fatima with glass
                        and they pray the prayers

                They crucified Jesus and He is God

                They persecuted the prophets because
                    they wanted to do their debased
                        ways — they didn't want God
                        telling them to change

                God flooded the earth at the time of
                    Noah because it was so corrupt
                    it was a good thing —
                    the descendents were Noah's

                When Mary appeared in rainbow
                    color — she came to tell us
                    Jesus wants His messages out —
                    Jesus has given prayer services and
                        water at the building and
                        people are healed physically
                        and spiritually

                But the person fighting God's Plan
                    is a fool —

                A person deceiving themselves about
                    hatred and anger and persecution
                    of innocent others is hurting
                    their soul

                What a heavy load to place on
                    the shoulders of an innocent
                    victim child — a life of
                    tension — inverted rage —
                    lack of spontaneity —
                    If a kid has had to suffer a
                    divorce and lies, what happens
                    when you have hidden rage —

                Love is felt — A WARM FUZZY

                Tenseness

                Possessive (slavish) relationships
                            do damage and does not
                            make up for truth and
                            an honest loving
                            heartfelt heart

                What tension to put on the shoulders
                    of an innocent child who
                    needs trust and stability —

                Prayer is the answer

                Building one's self esteem through
                    the Eucharist, the medicine
                    of immortality

                The Blue Books and Rosary meditations
                    have helped heal
                    so many there are
                    1/2 million out there!!

                People are changed when they read
                    the Blue Books

                The way a mother nurtures and loves
                    her son affects a son's
                    relationship with his future
                    wife —

                Look at Mary's relationship
                    to Jesus and
                    Jesus wanted His Heart
                    venerated next to His Mother's —

                When a mother is controlling and
                    alcoholic it can measurely
                    affect the son's trust
                    of women and seeing the love
                    a Mother like Mary has —
                    A boy can be taught at an early
                    age how his mother is cold
                    in how she handles and caresses
                    him — if she is controlling and
                    dominant or alcoholic and
                    not heartfelt he can have built
                    in problems before he begins
                    talking —

                Mary our Mother teaches us about
                    Motherly love in the Blue Book 4
                    and the Rosary Meditations and
                    in the other Blue Books

                A tense, controlling, alcoholic mother teaches
                    a man fear, teaches him to
                    be tense — not to relate too good
                    with women (in love) and
                    that the world isn't a peaceful
                    place.

                Any alcoholic raging, banging things —
                    other fighting — constant
                    arguing indicates anger —
                    unsettled rage inside —
                    Constant debate
                    Not unity and love —
                    Needs no book
                    It is felt
                    tension in a room is
                    obvious

                    Children know lack of truth —
                    Looking at others like the wise
                        old owl and wanting to look
                        for problems in others and
                        then rescue them

                        Is a good sign the person is
                            not in touch with their
                            own interior problems —

                Unity in the body of Christ is
                    in heartfelt love
                    Jesus shows us His Heart

                A hard heart is no secret —

                Tenseness
                Division

                The jumping unsettled worm -
                is felt across a room

                Like people know the unity
                    of the Shepherds of Christ Servants
                    and Handmaids and Apostles
                    because we are one in
                    our heart —
                    bound by Jesus in the
                    prayer services and Masses —
                    Bound IN HIM IN LOVE

                    Children growing up in unsettled
                homes have fear and tenseness
                inside — They may think this
                is normal to holler and fight,
                but this is not what God showed
                us and Mary showed us — even when
                they whipped Him — He did not
                argue —

                    He did the will of His Father —
                    Adam and Eve did their own will

                    Children need security, love —
                Jesus gives us the Medicine of
                Immortality

                    When parents were not nurtured
                then they don't know how to
                love many times and give to their
                own children —

                    God is love
                    God loves
                    God shows us His Heart

                    Children of alcoholics suffer
                from impatience, they don't trust
                authority —

                    Even if people are not drinking
                they can have severe alcoholic
                dysfunction — food disorders,
                workaholics

                There is the Alcoholic rule

                    Don't talk
                    Don't trust
                    Don't feel

                Children who suffer in dysfunctional
                    homes learn it is not safe
                    to express feelings —
                    they learn not to trust anybody
                        and to be controlling —
                        because nobody is trustworthy they think —
                    people who have been betrayed can
                        most assuredly suffer the
                        same if not healed —
                        They must control they think and
                        trust no one

                Some children get spanked for
                    asking for something —
                    others today are bossy
                    children bossing mom and dad
                    around

                When other children are learning
                    healthy relating skills —
                    dysfunctional homes —
                    children can be taught it's not
                    okay to be yourself —

                LOW Self esteem is a spiritual problem
                    later on

                Children learn about love and union
                    for marriage in home —

                Teaching children that mom and dad
                    married and they came from love —
                    is being majorly hurt by
                    big divorce percentages and
                    people learning its okay to
                        split and then the children
                        are in mixed marriages

                Do you know the real meaning of
                    love to give like Jesus to
                    build His Kingdom

                What about people who give and then
                    sit it out for weeks to
                    control the other and see them
                    come begging to talk about the
                    pertinent things that need to be
                    talked about

                        PUSH — PULL

                    What do you think Jesus thinks of
                this control and manipulation of others
                for dominance for dominance
                sake —

                IS this the way God sent Jesus
                    in the world and
                    gave us the Church
                    gave us the priest
                    gave us each other

                    A very damaging thing to a child
                is when they reach out from their
                heart and a parent is cold in
                heart — hurt and unloving —

                    Parents are to not teach
                slavish love —
                    but generous love
                    giving

                Some people can't get close at all —
                    they have their heart packed
                    in ice because they were hurt
                    to the core in love —

                    It is God's will we love and give
                love —

                    So they are acting against their
                very normal loving heart and
                they cry for what they do to deprive
                their heart of love and
                    rage against others for their
                self-inflicted pain of keeping
                their own heart packed in ice

                    They think it is normal to be
                a stone heart — they live in a
                stone box and when the feelings want to
                cry out for intimacy —
                    they go hurt somebody else
                    because they can not even
                    relate with a stone heart
                    to honest brotherly love

                Jesus, the Sacred Heart
                    Shows us His Heart
                    This is how we are one in
                        the hearts

                A stone heart - doesn't feel — they are
                    cold — not spontaneous —
                    not in touch with their gifts of
                    loving deeply intimate with Jesus and others.

                    Another issue is resolving
                conflict. People in dysfunctional -
                divided homes may have never seen
                any conflict resolved. A person may
                say they want something done a certain
                way and the person always adds something
                like a time limit when giving a direction
                that causes pressure.

                    To some pressure is their way
                of life. When they are unsettled inside
                they may give strict directions of
                pressure to relieve their own tension
                inside — they like controlling others —
                they want it done in such a way they
                exert tremendous pressure and it had
                nothing to do with doing the job to build
                God's Kingdom as it originally started
                doing God's will —

                    A person unsettled tense inside
                wants to see your faults many times
                and rescue you — or if they cannot
                control the boss they may create a
                conflict so they can come and rescue
                and be dominant — Since there is not
                the ordinary examination of conscience
                they see themselves as the old owl
                who rescues, restores while not
                living themselves as an imperfect
                human person.

                    A person that has built up anger
                is a loaded gun — they need to reduce
                their rage — they can use directions -
                as conflict - argument and control —
                if you need something it gives them
                power to shoot — not help and be loving
                working in harmony as God intends.

                    Pent up anger is released, and
                acted out on others. Passive-aggressive
                anger can be acted out while the
                stone heart reminds me of the vision
                I had at 4:00 Mass on Mary's birthday
                against the stone hill — I got a really
                strong message on Mary's birthday — It
                was about stone hearts —
                I never put the stone hill and the
                stone hearts together.

                    Thursday I had a vision like
                this

                People who have lived in trauma
                have survival skills they learned
                that they have to get over or they
                can become stone hearted, unfeeling,
                not spontaneous and have not life
                in them.

                Cycle of Violence

                1) building tension — stress accumulates
                        constant provoking
                        passive-aggressive

                2) explosion - climax —
                        violence,
                        can be extremely emotional abuse

                3) calm phase
                        I'm sorry —
                        makes promises they don't keep
                        over again lasts 24-48 hours

                In advanced stages

                    JUST CONSTANT ABUSE
                        AND TENSION

                I have seen healing from all
                    this from Sidney Rosary
                                    Retreats
                                    5ths

                Until they miss an intimate relationship
                    blame and hurt somebody else
                    for their stone heart —
                    It takes a lot of fighting for them to feel
                    Divided heart —
                        "hold out until hell freezes over"

                Normal sensitive person like Jesus - feels, cries —
                                                                    sensitive heart

                Some people love to be a victim
                        need somebody to blame for their
                            own victimization

                Projection — problem — anger
                        inside — try to get another
                        to act out anger —
                        to get control of others
                        through passive-aggressive ways

                Successful Vocations
                    (1) loving God
                    (2) loving Vocation

                Addicted to Misery

                Life is a Journey to God
                God makes us happy
                Freedom to love
                Healing Energy
                Addictive Relationship
                            like alcohol
                            enabler - addicted —
                            they have control of funds —
                                make person beg —
                                after years - crying, please stop this

                NO GO — they have pain — innocent person becomes
                                                                 their alcohol

                People are addicted to misery —
                    - if they get in a good relationship
                        they ruin it —

                    - destructive relationship patterns

                They are familiar with tension
                                familiar with misery
                                familiar with fighting to win

                Chronic addiction to misery —
                    guess what!!

                        It don't get better while
                            you practice your
                            addictive habits

                Learned to be unhappy
                Learned to be tense

                Did we have fun in our
                    life as a child

                Did we have to survive
                    misery and
                    learn survival skills

                They think misery is normal,
                    but they are mad
                                        unhappy
                                        argumentative
                                        unsettled

                Nobody can change our
                    habits —

                We teach ourselves habits

                How are our abandonment
                    issues —
                    was mom and dad busy,
                        drunk, workaholics

                Did they not spend time on us
                    because one ran after
                    alcoholic or
                    addicted other or
                    Lots of fighting to WIN

                That is normal to us — fighting

                How do you feel about
                    yourself?

                        Good —

                Are you a caretaker and
                    never look inside
                    yourself

                Do you feel safe?

                Do you think you can trust
                    anyone with anything
                    inside of you —
                    feelings —
                    do you ever get close —
                    are you shut down

                We can learn its not okay to trust
                    anybody

                We can have secrets —

                Some lie to keep us sealed

                We may think nobody is safe

                NUMB

                Some think DON'T Feel

                We learn its not okay to say "no"

                        to dad —
                        or "no" to mom —
                        what if we are constantly
                        around mom and dad

                Do we try to control and
                    manipulate others
                    because our parents
                        are controlling us —

                What about brothers and
                    sisters

                Who was the hero

                Where is the scapegoat in
                    the family —

                Were you openly shamed —
                    you spend you life
                    shaming and controlling others
                    to get your power back

                Some families are addicted
                    to chaos —

                to match our unsettled
                    self —

                We create chaos where
                    the direction was
                    simple —

                We do something else that is
                    wrong and make leader
                    beg to get it where it
                    should have been first

                    Some are rigid
                        and they don't express feelings

                    Some have no intimacy

                Parents that divorce —
                    kids think they did something
                    guilt
                    shame

                Children are learning at a valuable
                    time about relationship
                    then the parents divorce and
                    some act like nothing happened
                        to them

                Children want love

                What if our love is
                    a hard stone heart —

                Locked up in our
                    pain —

                Give kids no real unselfish love
                    because we can't move out
                    of our pain

                Talk about Communication
                    on an intimate level —
                    What experience do you have

                    How do you get in one
                        heart with Jesus or anybody

                Denial —

                    deny you are stuck
                    deny you are frozen

                    blame somebody else
                        when you have no feel
                        in your heart

                    LIFE IS IN the Heart
                        is it not

                How is your rigid thinking

                    Are you a perfectionist

                    Over achiever

                Have you had poor relationships

                Life is to learn how to
                    have relationships

                You were surviving while
                    others were learning
                    new ways to relate

                A healthy person wants
                    to get out of the
                    window —

                A sick person keeps
                    making everybody
                    else sicker —
                    them the worse

                A Controller if he is a man
                    pushes the woman
                        DOWN
                        DOWN
                        DOWN

                    He wants her weaker and
                                            weaker

                    He pushes harder and harder

                His biggest fear is he won't
                    be in control of her

                He wants to be above her

                He doesn't want her out
                    of that role —

                He will do whatever to
                    control her

                He wants to push harder
                    to get you under
                    where he
                    wants her

                If love is there this
                    won't go on

                No man has a right
                    to dishonorably
                    treat a woman
                    with disrespect
                    for his personal
                    dominance.

                They can keep working anger out
                    fighting just to get her down
                    if that is how they are

Genesis 3: 16

...Your yearning will be for your husband,
and he will dominate you.

                She becomes full of
                    resentment almost
                    ready to burst

                Fr. Carter was
                    never this way
                    he respected the messages.

                Fr. Carter had no trouble
                    with the messages
                    he believed they came
                    from Jesus.