MY SECURITY IS FOUND IN YOU

Written on Labor Day at 8:45 a.m. in St. Gertrude's Church:

I do not believe as I should that You are truly here, Lord. (I had pains in my hands and feet last night and today).

He is strengthening my faith and I am resisting. Many times I am ready to run. He wants both feet off the ground. I am given such abundant graces. I do not even know how blessed I am. It is only His grace that sustains me.

I long to be strengthened deeper and deeper in my faith. I truly see my frailties and know more and more my shortcomings. I long for humility and sincerity in my soul, to live only to love God and give His love to others, but I, in my weaknesses, fall so short of serving Him as I desire.

He is my Love. He is tender, gentle, and true. He waits while I try this whim and that whim. He is always by my side waiting with His deep love.

I go in and out between firm conviction and doubt, and He waits by my heart giving me such gifts of His love.

I have searched for You, Lord. You have given me Your hand. I have turned away for more security from my fellows. My security is found in You. My depth is measured by how deeply I live in You. I am moved to tears to know Your presence with me and moved to pity for myself for not realizing it more. I am truly given great gifts and I am so ungrateful.

Your presence pervades my soul. I understand You, Lord, more and more as You give me greater graces. I am entirely dependent on You for everything.

Since Feb. 28, 1995, I knew I united to Him in a deep union, I have not experienced the immense longing in my heart that I once had. I had experienced bitter pain to want Him so much. Now I know His presence always.

He has poured out His consolations to me at many times and how ungrateful I am for these great gifts. He has allowed me to experience this deep burning love!

Our bodies may feel separation from Him sometimes, but in the depth of our soul we are forever joined to Him through His grace whether we feel it or not.

In the dark night, we feel the pain. In the morning light, He gives us the brightness of the day. We are then consoled with His burning love.

Bring on the pain, for it is in the pain that we experience the glory of the resurrection. It is in experiencing the dark nights that we know the light of the next day. It is in separation that we know the lifting of the veil. It is in sweetness and sorrow that we know His face.

I see Him suffering, covered with blood, wounded and beaten, crowned with thorns, adorned in light and glorified on the third day. There is always a look of peace on His face even in the deepest suffering.

I see the child in her arms. I see the concern on her face as she searches for her Son in the temple. I see a dead man lying in her arms under a cross. I see the glistening in white coming forth from the tomb on the third day. His soul had left His body, but the child rose to new life. He won for all the victory of the resurrection. From the first moments of conception to His Ascension into heaven, He remained on this earth for love of us. Now we remain, and He lives in us this day. We carry out His life, death, and Resurrection in our lives, dying and rising in Him, trying to live according to the Father's will.

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Copyright © 1997 Shepherds of Christ Ministries
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written permission of the publisher. For information contact Shepherds of Christ Publications
First Printing: September, 1997