IN THE DARKEST NIGHT, I MET MY GOD

He comes like a thief in the night. We do not know the day or the hour. All our ill deeds will be made light. In heaven, there are many mansions. His ways are the ways of truth.

The night follows the day, the day follows the night, in one moment, He can snatch us from our place, and our life has ended.

We live His life, death, and Resurrection in our lives. We walk the Passion with Him. I have struggled all through my life. In the deepest, darkest night, when it was black, I met my God. I truly felt as if I would never see the light of day.

We live the Pascal Mystery in our lives. I see the life of Christ. I experience His Passion. I walk with Him on the way to Calvary. I feel the persecution, the rejection, the wounds, deep in my heart, the wounds that hurt and cause me to cry out in pain. I feel the agony, the dark night He spent in the garden, His anguish so intense that He sweat blood!

I experience, I live the life, death, and Resurrection of my beloved Savior in my life. But, I know today so much more about the mystery of the Resurrection. I experience His life within me. I experience such oneness with Him. I feel the agony. I know how it is to be on the ground but I do not despair for I experience His life within me. "…it is no longer I, but Christ living in me…" (Ga. 2:20) I am alive in Him. To suffer is to know the life. To suffer is to experience sometimes His life even more deeply than before.

When I look back over the dark nights in my life, I reminisce with great joy for it is in those nights I was forced to spend very intimate time with my Lover. It was only through Him I lived in the dark moments. Now, when the struggle is over I look with such joy on the time I spent with Him. I reminisce on this time for I was so close to Him and so dependent on Him. Even though I was in intense pain, it was in the struggle that I grew more deeply in my life with Him.

Great struggles - great gifts of His abundant life. Many nights I suffered, many days I cried out for relief and the relief did not seem to come. I pursued Him more intensely because of this immense pain. In this pursuit and in the deep pain, I found my Beloved!

He was there in His sweet and gentle ways. I experienced His presence even though the room was crowded with darkness.

Many times I felt as if all hell pressed in and I wanted so badly to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but did not see it. I pursued Him in front of the tabernacle. It was there that I experienced His presence the strongest. I pursued Him in the dark nights when all were asleep and I was awake with my pain and struggle, and I found Him. I found my Beloved, His most Sacred Heart-His Heart, ever burning and beaming with light - His Heart, filled with love.

I struggled. I grew. It is the moments when I was down that I experienced the greatest growth - these are my fondest memories.

Would I but die to myself, I would experience Your life even more deeply. I surrender, my God, and I give You myself!

I envisioned a cave. It had a very distinct doorway, framed with wood boards. There was no door, just a doorway. It had a narrow passage way, the way was so small and the walls covered with big, sharp rocks. Then there was a second open doorway inside it. They led to a space that was rather open and the rocks still surrounded the interior walls of the room, but the space was much larger and lighted much more than the narrow passage way.

The open doorway beckoned me to come in. I then lived in the narrow, dark room and experienced the pain. The walls were hard and pointed, the room was dark, but it was in this little, cramped space I met my Lord every day. As I struggled, I lived for those moments when I was so alone with Him and so dependent on Him. I knew my Lord in the darkness. I felt His life within me more and more for His light was such a contrast to the darkness.

It was from this dark room that I entered into the second room. I knew His presence from the close quarters (the first room) and entered into the second room.

I carry His light within me. I carry His life within me. I know my Beloved, and I am no longer cramped for to know Him is to possess the keys of the Kingdom. The walls are still covered with the dark, gray, sharp, rock, but His light has cleared the darkness. His presence has pushed the walls back and now I live. As I live, I live through Him, with Him, and in Him. The rocks are still there. The quarters may seem tight sometimes, but the burning embers of His beating Heart keep me warm and secure.

I love You this day. Thank You for the gift of Your life. Thank You for showing us Your way!

I am living this day the Pascal Mystery of death-resurrection. If we die in Him, we will rise in Him, and He will raise us up on the last day. (My feet hurt as if I had little nails in them).

I feel such immense sorrow and a deep propelling desire to spread the love of His beautiful Heart. It is my Mother I hear calling, to go out to the highways and the byways and spread the love of her Son!

After Communion, I saw the red room with the burning embers. He beckons us to come and dwell in His Heart and feel the beating of His Heart and experience the warmth and security of this place, our place of refuge from the cold and dark night.

He is alive! He is alive! His Heart is burning and on fire for us!

Song, "I Love You, Jesus":

Oh Burning Heart, Oh Love divine, how sweet You are to me. I see the Host, I know You're here to love and care for me. I know Your love a little now, so dear You are to me. Come give me life, abundant life, I thirst to be with Thee. I cannot say. There are not words to say what my heart feels. I love You so, I scarce can breathe when You come into me. I know Your love a little now, so dear You are to me. Come give me life, abundant life, I thirst to be with Thee. Your tender Heart, Oh how it beats for love of each this day. I want to give You all my love, surrender totally. I know Your love a little now, so dear You are to me. Come give me life, abundant life, I thirst to be with Thee.

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Copyright © 1997 Shepherds of Christ Ministries
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written permission of the publisher. For information contact Shepherds of Christ Publications
First Printing: September, 1997