November 15, 1995

FEEL THEIR PAIN

Written at 1:15 in the morning:

Jesus was in the garden, and His Heart was torn in His chest because of the pain He suffered for the love of His precious souls.

My heart was in such agony, pain, excruciating, buckling over pain, in my heart.

I know the pain of rejection, of loving and being ignored. I know the pain that made my heart ache, as if a lance pierced it, in the garden, and remained in it, excruciating pain in the heart.

Oh Jesus, how it hurts. Nothing can top this pain in the heart. My heart hurts so badly, I cannot describe it.

I opened up Fr. Carter's book, Mother at My Side, and it read: "Who can fathom the depth of her [Mary] grief as she watched her innocent Son suffer the excruciating pain and death of crucifixion?"⁴⁵

My experiences: Standing under the twelfth station at Holy Cross-Immaculata Catholic Church and standing under the cross on Oct. 31, I felt such suffering about Mary holding the lifeless body of her Son, and Mary looking into His eyes. Mary had a constant ache since Simeon's prophecy.

I feel such sorrow in my heart. It hurts so badly I can hardly stand it. My heart hurts like someone is jabbing a sword in it, and it won't stop. She wants me to reach the children. My heart hurt Monday after Communion. My heart hurts. It feels like someone is jabbing a lot of swords in me, in the middle of my chest. Now it hurts all around my heart.

I want to spread the rosary to the world. I want to help children to love Jesus and Mary and consecrate their hearts.

I must rest in Their Hearts.

Mary's heart hurt for the little lost children of the world. I must reach the children with the rosary. I must get the Rosary Book out, write up children's rosaries, and circulate the tapes for Mary.

If I should die at this moment, I would rest in Jesus' and Mary's Hearts. We are all one body in Him - one heart. There should be no division, only love.

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Copyright © 1997 Shepherds of Christ Ministries
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First Printing: September, 1997